Jerry Hall Does It Better

Husband Needed - 41
Glamorous, busy corporate empress seeking low-maintenance husband. Am very busy, so will not be able to pay much attention to aforementioned. Will cover all necessary lifestyle costs. Have 2 young children: Mackenzie and Cameron. Nanny takes care of them. Have 2 Shih Tzus: Bella and Lucy. Maid takes care of them.

41 years old, but look early thirties. Blonde shoulder-length hair, brown eyes. Well-groomed, well-dressed, educated, slim and toned. You should be too. Have been described by Fortune Magazine as assiduous, serious, coldly attractive and ambitious.

However, am very wealthy and will support your lifestyle. Have own apartment on UES. You will have to move in, have just finished decorating. Don't care if you have adulterous relationship as long as you are discreet and don't bring in any diseases. No time for sex anyway. No time for anything except occasional getaways to house in Southampton or Malibu just to keep children happy.

Schedule packed, so requirements are strict because I don't have time to train new husband, as ex will tell you:

Young, but not a boy-toy
Good looking without detracting from myself
Charming
Educated (at least Bachelor's degree from accredited institution)
Well-spoken
Wear tuxedo/suit well
Familiar with basic etiquette (how to hold glass/snifter, dessert spoons vs. soup spoons, etc.) Discreet
Have reputable day-job or at least hold position in company (don't care whether through nepotism)
Knowledge of sailing, lacrosse, squash, golf
Patient with children and dogs
Well-dressed
Knowledge of politics, business, wine and Nantucket

Optional but welcome:
Tasteful sense of humor
Well-traveled
Knowledge of polo
Master's degree, MBA or PhD
Play musical instrument

Send response to above address with photograph. Must meet before marriage. Must be willing to sign pre-nup.

Total Number of Replies: 16
Number of Serious Replies: I can't be bothered to count.
Cream of the Crop:

"you are a guys worst nightmare, you are disgusting, vapid and devoid of asll human qualities. you should do the world a favor and just kill yourself "

"i rather jerk off in a cup than be with a woman like you. and you're advertising on cl. you low life...lol lol lol lol "
Some people make a living that way.

"I can be your lover until you find your husband I am discrete"

"understand the position and is ready for the this let me know what I have too do"
Your mission, should you choose to accept it....

"you should be embarassed of yourself. read a self help book"

I'll Have a B and T Sandwich Please

Princess for Frog - 20
(Had to be taken down after 11 hours. It was clogging my mailbox)

I’m one of those fabled college co-eds that you see in porn all the time: blonde, brown-eyed, toned and perky. I’m also wealthy, privileged and well-traveled. I played Varsity field-hockey at my select boarding school (alumni/ae include many noted Republicans) and I sail. Right now, I go to a “new” Ivy League school, but only because I got rejected from Yale despite my double legacy.

During the summer, I either live in New Jersey and commute to the city where I intern at a brand-name firm in the financial district, or I spend long days sunning myself in the Hamptons with my best friend Bunny. On the weekends, you can usually find me at Lotus and Roxy.

My wardrobe consists of Ralph Lauren polo shirts in pastel colors with the collar popped-up, flip-flops and ruffly skirts. And I carry a Coach bag. I drive a BMW. My parents like to buy me guilt-presents, because they both control extensive corporate empires and because they shipped me off to boarding school at age 14 (too old to have a nanny, too young to all-out neglect).

So what am I looking for? A tattoo artist who wears studded leather vests sans-shirt and motorcycle boots. Or maybe a gangbanger in baggy jeans. Or a builder in a wifebeater. Yes, someone cute and blue-collar with big muscles and a Brooklyn accent. I can't wait to introduce you to my parents.

Total Number of Replies: 36
Number of Serious Replies: 26 or 27, some were confusing
Cream of the Crop:

"hi maybee one day you'd like to go out for drinks i work in the financial center in ny lemmie know ttyl you sound nice"
( from somebody called "juggalo")

"grew up in a blue collar neighborhood, with a large cock in great shape...they are sure to hate that , and ill fuck you sensless"

"i believed every single word until "bunny". no way."
You act like it's a weird name to have.

"i teach college in new jersey
am married 50 yo and seeking a play thing
have any ideas
discretion needed"

"how about a nice mafia type"

"fuck you for calling us frogs"

"I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hope this posting is intended as a joke. It's so nauseating it could have been taken straight from the pages of American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. Very sad."

"how about a russian-jew, suspiciously looking, full time always-broke-immigrant-psychodelic-drugs-experementator...so send me your parents picture - i'd love to have some fun with bourgeois, damn it:)))) "

"R u bi? or bi cur? I'm bi cur, also went to boardingschool. 22/f/5'9" 38d"

"its just too bad u didnt state the hottest blue collared carpenters whohave the best party favors in nyc. "
Is he referring to his penis?

"lets make ur parents pay for what they did to you"

"To see a World in a grain of sand,
And a Heaven in a wild flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour.

If you tell me who wrote it I'll make you a happy woman."
William Blake, according to Google.

"do u like anal? "
I live for it.

"definately have the brooklyn accent going on here who do you think teaches that fat Ghini Tony Soprano how to sound like an italian lol got some muscles here without the tatoos "

"international student from turkey"

Congratulations, You're Typical

The Perfect Hipster Accessory - 22

You've got the sexy, shaggy, unkempt greasy-but-not-too-gross hair. You've got flawless skin so pale that you glow in the dark. You've got the ironic vintage shirt, the shabby corduroy blazer and the chic designer jeans. You've got the carefully beat-up Chucks. You've got a two room walk-up in Williamsburg which you share with a highly-strung actor, a struggling writer, a freegan and a docile, hairy guy in a poncho who grows weed under the kitchen sink. To top it all off, you've got your own up-and-coming post-punk band. You're almost perfect. But wait a minute. You're missing something:

The ethnic girlfriend.

Yes, you've got the look down but, as we ALL know, nothing's complete without accessories. You without a ethnic girlfriend is like a messenger bag without thousands of buttons proclaiming your political leanings and your extensive knowledge of music.Well luckily for you, here I am. Your very own, personal, cute, non-threatening, little Asian. What better way to piss off your wealthy blue-blood Greenwich-Hamptons family, without pushing the line, than to date a shy, quiet, non-threatening Asian chick? Yellow's close enough to white, anyway. After all, you wouldn't want your parents to cut you off from your monthly allowance - you might have to get a job and give up your dreams of being a rock star. Anyway, you majored in English and Music at NYU, and teaching's not really your thing.

Also, you really need somebody to drape your arm around after your show, to hand you a beer as soon as you come off stage and to tell you just how good you were. You were SO good. Yes, someone who will complement your style without overshadowing you. Want to coordinate outfits? I've got a vintage crocheted minidress that would look amazing with your tweed jacket.

I can be anything you want, baby. Want me to wear only black and white, sneer and blow smoke into people's eyes? I can do that. Want me to dress like I smoked a bowl of ice and then hitched a ride with Marty McFly in the Delorean? I got you covered. Want me to impress your snotty friends with my extensive vocabulary and vast knowledge of International Relations? I'll read-up on my current events just for you, even though I hide copies of Star magazine in my copy of the Voice. After all, I did go to an elite boarding school and then art-school, where I majored in graphic design.

If I hadn't, would I be the well-dressed, cooler-than-thou hipster I am today?

Also, I'm stick-thin, fashionably bisexual and smoke bidis. I am publicly a socialist but am secretly a rampant materialist. Do you think I actually go to Sal-Val for these ironic shirts? Please. I shop exclusively at Andy's Cheepee's, Cheapjack's and Screaming Mimi's. So what if I have to pay the finder's fee? It's not like I don't have a trust-fund, anyway. I just wait tables at the vegan restaurant to look like I'm slumming it. I don't actually need the money.

So. You need to have me hanging like a wristband off your lanky arm and you know it. Please, bassists and drummers only - and send a picture. I only pretend I'm not shallow.

Total Number of Replies: 24 +
Number of Serious Replies: 13

Cream of the Crop:

"i love to spoil the asian woman i am with...let me be clear, i am not lookng for sex, i just want someone that i can meet and either take shopping, or just give cash to, or spoil and pamper in any other way you might choose...we can start off slow, just meeting briefly so i can give you cash or gifts then if over time we get along, we can see about more spoiling, and maybe even spending more time together, getting to really get to know each other. i would really love someone in my life to spoil regularly."
You have expensive tastes. Why don't you buy a Real Doll?

"Close, but no cigar. I don’t have a rock band yet"

"Awesome. I hope I see you at the Garage Band Fest Saturday. Maybe we can do a bowl. You know what would be cool, if you wore a miniskirt and tank top that matched one of my Les Paul guitars...I used to take the L train, but I got a Vespa now...I like those vintage stores, but the ones on Bedford ave are much cheaper, and I found a Filter CD once for like $4...What are you studying at art school? I went to RISD, but kind of flunked out, but what the fuck, they didn't know what they were teaching."
I don't know whether this guy was being serious or not, to be honest.

"you sound absolutely perfect... we've probably exchanged glances on the L... or seen each other at some loft party or rock show slash festival...i shop at places like andys cheepees and tokyo seven"

"i only have the chance to be a hipster on the weekends...but i definitely have a stock of goodwill t-shirts and four-sizes-too-big plaid pants. i don't actually think i'm stylish enough to be a hipster - i think i'm just a nerd."
At least you admit it, sweetie.