So Many Doormats
Just your normal, everyday girl - 22
Date: 2004-09-20, 11:12PM EDT
I'm emotionally needy, clingy and indecisive. I don't know what I want, whom I want or what I'm looking for. I claim I want a nice, clean and well-dressed guy, but submissive pushovers irritate me, metrosexuals seem fruity, yuppies are annoying, frat-boys are dumb and testosterone-heavy muscle-men disgust me.
I claim I want somebody to love me unconditionally, but recoil from committment, and then accuse you of being noncommittal. Then I'll cry and make you feel bad.
No matter what you do, it won't satisfy me. If you take me to a nice restaurant, I will complain about being tired. If you don't take me to a nice restaurant, I will complain about you being a stingy bastard.
I also say that you should just treat me like one of the guys, but if you do, I get upset. I insist that you treat me like an equal, but get pissy if you don't open doors for me. I'll make you come shopping with me and watch me try on several different outfits in every store in the mall.
I will tell all my high-pitched and loquacious friends about how the size of your penis and what your favorite sexual position is. My friends will come over for girls'-night-in all the time, but if you go for a boys-night-out, I will get jealous. I will also be jealous of all your female friends and be incredibly bitchy to them whenever they come over. But I will flirt with all your closest friends.
I will fill your fridge with health-food, and won't let you eat your favorite snacks. I'll criticize your laziness and drag you out running with me. When we come back, I'll make you watch "The Golden Girls" and Food Network (but not Iron Chef).
Oh, and I'll also expect you to remember our one-week anniversary, our one-month anniversary, our quarter-year anniversary, half-year anniversary and, of course, one-year anniversary. If you forget any of these, I'll fly into a grim and hostile mood for weeks, until you apologize profusely and buy me something pretty.
But hey, at least I'm cute, right?
Total Number of Replies: 48
Number of Serious Replies: A fucking lot.
Cream of the Crop:
"I bet you prefer it in the butt."
"let's get ready for a fun-filled rollercoaster ride!"
"YOU'RE EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR! A BITCH"
"Hey ma. What r your visual details? hair calor, skin color, measurements,etc "
Hey pa. My visual details are as follows: constructed in the school of Paul Rubens, and the face of a Picasso, circa his analytic cubism period. My head is shaped like a block.
"Hunnie for a 22yr old u sure sound like my aunt Janice."
"Ok with all the things you said in your ad you're lucky that anyone could stand to be around you"
"I am a nice-clean well dressed guy who would love to be dragged out to one of your shopping escapades. Golden girls and the food network is a no go but everything else you mentioned sounds great. I would love it if you got grim and in a hostile mood for weeks until I apologize! Let me know if you're interested!!"
"you sound too good to be true. but how do i know you are cute?"
You're looking for love on Craigslist, and you're concerned about cute?
"I betyou would get a bigger kick (and smile) from a guy whoremembers your time of the month and premptively bakes you chocolate brownies and gives you foot massageswhen the time comes"
No. We just SAY we want that. We really want a golden and toned Adonis who will go until the break of, break of dawn."
"My penis and I are great friends. Inseparable really, but I digress. "
"before I go ahead and subject myself to the torture that is you.."
And then the Bitter, Jaded Ones:
"Hi, we've dated and I became a jerk all of a sudden so that you would dumpme and I could be a martyr instead owning up to the fact I wanted you out of my life.
I told you that I'm a straight shooter but until we really started dating I was still asking other women out.
Sometimes when we had emotional moments I actually tried to cry, thinking oflost pets or other sad moments to impress you with my deeper feelings.
Often when I "need to be alone" I mean, I need to be away from you.
I don't leave you because I'm addicted to the sex, but as that fades I start to resent you and not myself.
I blame you for everything but pretend like your a sweet princess
Of course I look at other women, I just figure the ones I would leave you for would sniff you off of me at 50 paces.
I don't find your family highly amusing and your sense of humor is rather mundane.
:)
Nice to hear you're doing well"
"You sound just like my ex "
"I am sure I know you or have dated you."
"You just described every girl i have ever known back home."
"You sound kind of like a girl I dated for 5 years. It didn’t’ work out…"
Can't imagine why.
"Maybe I am just twisted because alot of those traits are not what I want in someone but a necessary evil."
And the real sweethearts:
"but see, i won't put up with your shit. You must be dating 22 year old wussy guys?...i will call you out when you are a brat. I will tease you and make fun of your insecurities. I will be physically playful but will bust your balls (not literally). And when i do this...(drumroll)....you are going to totally be into me. But i won't give in. I won't take you to nice restaurants, i will have you buy me dinner! I won't watch Golden Girls, i will MAKE you watch what i want to watch. And i won't apologize, EVER. "
And the nostalgic ones:
"in all honesty i kind of miss the drama of relationships a little bit"
"Havent really meet a lot of girls that I can get along with or stand after a while no matter how hot they are. I really want to move back down to the south. "
And the one that make me realize why I'm still single:
"you made twinge...but in the end I stillwanted to sleep with you?"
Date: 2004-09-20, 11:12PM EDT
I'm emotionally needy, clingy and indecisive. I don't know what I want, whom I want or what I'm looking for. I claim I want a nice, clean and well-dressed guy, but submissive pushovers irritate me, metrosexuals seem fruity, yuppies are annoying, frat-boys are dumb and testosterone-heavy muscle-men disgust me.
I claim I want somebody to love me unconditionally, but recoil from committment, and then accuse you of being noncommittal. Then I'll cry and make you feel bad.
No matter what you do, it won't satisfy me. If you take me to a nice restaurant, I will complain about being tired. If you don't take me to a nice restaurant, I will complain about you being a stingy bastard.
I also say that you should just treat me like one of the guys, but if you do, I get upset. I insist that you treat me like an equal, but get pissy if you don't open doors for me. I'll make you come shopping with me and watch me try on several different outfits in every store in the mall.
I will tell all my high-pitched and loquacious friends about how the size of your penis and what your favorite sexual position is. My friends will come over for girls'-night-in all the time, but if you go for a boys-night-out, I will get jealous. I will also be jealous of all your female friends and be incredibly bitchy to them whenever they come over. But I will flirt with all your closest friends.
I will fill your fridge with health-food, and won't let you eat your favorite snacks. I'll criticize your laziness and drag you out running with me. When we come back, I'll make you watch "The Golden Girls" and Food Network (but not Iron Chef).
Oh, and I'll also expect you to remember our one-week anniversary, our one-month anniversary, our quarter-year anniversary, half-year anniversary and, of course, one-year anniversary. If you forget any of these, I'll fly into a grim and hostile mood for weeks, until you apologize profusely and buy me something pretty.
But hey, at least I'm cute, right?
Total Number of Replies: 48
Number of Serious Replies: A fucking lot.
Cream of the Crop:
"I bet you prefer it in the butt."
"let's get ready for a fun-filled rollercoaster ride!"
"YOU'RE EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR! A BITCH"
"Hey ma. What r your visual details? hair calor, skin color, measurements,etc "
Hey pa. My visual details are as follows: constructed in the school of Paul Rubens, and the face of a Picasso, circa his analytic cubism period. My head is shaped like a block.
"Hunnie for a 22yr old u sure sound like my aunt Janice."
"Ok with all the things you said in your ad you're lucky that anyone could stand to be around you"
"I am a nice-clean well dressed guy who would love to be dragged out to one of your shopping escapades. Golden girls and the food network is a no go but everything else you mentioned sounds great. I would love it if you got grim and in a hostile mood for weeks until I apologize! Let me know if you're interested!!"
"you sound too good to be true. but how do i know you are cute?"
You're looking for love on Craigslist, and you're concerned about cute?
"I betyou would get a bigger kick (and smile) from a guy whoremembers your time of the month and premptively bakes you chocolate brownies and gives you foot massageswhen the time comes"
No. We just SAY we want that. We really want a golden and toned Adonis who will go until the break of, break of dawn."
"My penis and I are great friends. Inseparable really, but I digress. "
"before I go ahead and subject myself to the torture that is you.."
And then the Bitter, Jaded Ones:
"Hi, we've dated and I became a jerk all of a sudden so that you would dumpme and I could be a martyr instead owning up to the fact I wanted you out of my life.
I told you that I'm a straight shooter but until we really started dating I was still asking other women out.
Sometimes when we had emotional moments I actually tried to cry, thinking oflost pets or other sad moments to impress you with my deeper feelings.
Often when I "need to be alone" I mean, I need to be away from you.
I don't leave you because I'm addicted to the sex, but as that fades I start to resent you and not myself.
I blame you for everything but pretend like your a sweet princess
Of course I look at other women, I just figure the ones I would leave you for would sniff you off of me at 50 paces.
I don't find your family highly amusing and your sense of humor is rather mundane.
:)
Nice to hear you're doing well"
"You sound just like my ex "
"I am sure I know you or have dated you."
"You just described every girl i have ever known back home."
"You sound kind of like a girl I dated for 5 years. It didn’t’ work out…"
Can't imagine why.
"Maybe I am just twisted because alot of those traits are not what I want in someone but a necessary evil."
And the real sweethearts:
"but see, i won't put up with your shit. You must be dating 22 year old wussy guys?...i will call you out when you are a brat. I will tease you and make fun of your insecurities. I will be physically playful but will bust your balls (not literally). And when i do this...(drumroll)....you are going to totally be into me. But i won't give in. I won't take you to nice restaurants, i will have you buy me dinner! I won't watch Golden Girls, i will MAKE you watch what i want to watch. And i won't apologize, EVER. "
And the nostalgic ones:
"in all honesty i kind of miss the drama of relationships a little bit"
"Havent really meet a lot of girls that I can get along with or stand after a while no matter how hot they are. I really want to move back down to the south. "
And the one that make me realize why I'm still single:
"you made twinge...but in the end I stillwanted to sleep with you?"
posted by Laura at 12:03 AM
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