Seems Like An Excellent Plan to Me
Rich? Elitist? THANK GOD! - 22
Date: 2006-02-03, 8:10PM EST
As graduation looms ahead, I begin to realize that the last thing I want to do is to get a job. Employment is so very pedestrian. I could would be quite happy living on my parents' dime. They, however, would not.
So here's my plan: I want a wastrel with a trust fund. I am looking for someone to squander my college degree on and to fritter away my life with. Someone whom I can eventually marry in a sumptuous but tasteful ceremony in his family's Napa Valley mansion, and then divorce several months later, taking approximately half of his assets in a media feeding frenzy.
I would like to swan around cosmopolitan Mediterranean cities in a blithe and shiny-haired manner. The world has many al fresco cafes, in which I would like to sit (luxuriating in a nicotine-, caffeine- and sunshine-induced haze) while staring moodily at passerbys hurrying toward their cripplingly dull vocations. I wouldn't be sitting by myself, of course. My trustfunder would be by my side. Someone has to pay for my cafe au lait.
"A lot to ask," you may comment, snorting at my audacity. However, my credentials are more than adequate for the position. I smile often and speak seldom. I have shiny hair and a clear complexion. I look good in enormous sunglasses and odd fashion trends. Furthermore, I understand enough about computers to conceal and password protect any incriminating photographs or videos.
And finally, I am better looking than Paris Hilton.
What more do you need?
Total Number of Replies: 20
Number of Serious Replies: 16
Cream of the Crop:
"May I have the honor of a dance in this cybermasquerade ball?"
"you need to get real"
"How are you? I'm not exactly a trust fund kid."
Then why are you responding?
"ain't that some shit. as you say you're one of those hotty hot hot princesses...i see that your calculation (MC^2= Paris Hilton) is dangerous but fucking brilliant. so i toast, cheers to you mate. what other interests do you have besides looking conspicuous? "
"We should talk about this, are you really seriousabout marrying a trust-fund baby?"
"Just this once I'll whisk you away from your tragically boring existence, marry you, and divorce you in quick succession. Then leave me alone forever, for I won't want to be bothered."
The perfect match(es):
"I've always been looking for my equal, a female with whom I could laugh at the peasants while they refresh my morning highball glass. Perhaps we could discuss the importance of saving the environment while jetting around the world on my fuel-gobbling learjet?
The real question is whether you know how to properly discipline the hired help. There is nothing worse than a maid who cannot properly prepare a bed. I sure hope you have the cutting and terse vocalizations needed to whip such a young illegal immigrant girl into shape?"
"Dear future arm-candy,
I am a wealthy, self-centered, young socialite. I own my family’s business and delegate my duties to corporate managers. This allows me lots of time to drive in my many cars, drink my many wines, and fly my private helicopter from my penthouse apartment in NYC to my beach houses in the Hamptons and Martha’s Vineyard. I maintain an account at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, and have a permanently reserved table at Daniel. Of course, it goes without saying that I love clubbing. And I can’t afford to be seen, in my circles, with anyone less than stunningly attractive. I expect you to be at least as attractive as you claim to be, if not more so. Naturally, I turn to Craigslist to find the cream of the city’s female crop.
I was impressed with what you wrote. You seem to know about shopping and style and you claim to know sexiness as a second language. I’m glad you insist on maintaining your beauty as a career. This will keep me from having to remind you to get facials or waxes. Tell me, what is your position on high heeled shoes (for me, wearing would be a necessity for you) and thong panties (if they must be worn, they must be thong). Additionally, what are your sexual interests? The woman I select for the prestigious postion of “girl-standing-next-to-me” will have to be very… open minded. I attend plenty of underground clubs, and don’t want to have to put up with prudish behaviour.
Please send several photos of yourself from several different angles in various stages of dress. Nudes, gowns, bikinis, suits, jeans. And some recent medical history. I want to know what I’m getting into, no pun intended. Photos of me, of course, are irrelevant.
Time is short. I leave for Tahiti soon."
The very, very best response I have ever received:
"Dearest Lady !
I admire Paris Hilton so much because she is very beautiful and special sexy !
If you are only half so beautiful I like to spend much money on you.
Please send with your answer 4 or 5 photos (not only 1)
big embrase !"
Date: 2006-02-03, 8:10PM EST
As graduation looms ahead, I begin to realize that the last thing I want to do is to get a job. Employment is so very pedestrian. I could would be quite happy living on my parents' dime. They, however, would not.
So here's my plan: I want a wastrel with a trust fund. I am looking for someone to squander my college degree on and to fritter away my life with. Someone whom I can eventually marry in a sumptuous but tasteful ceremony in his family's Napa Valley mansion, and then divorce several months later, taking approximately half of his assets in a media feeding frenzy.
I would like to swan around cosmopolitan Mediterranean cities in a blithe and shiny-haired manner. The world has many al fresco cafes, in which I would like to sit (luxuriating in a nicotine-, caffeine- and sunshine-induced haze) while staring moodily at passerbys hurrying toward their cripplingly dull vocations. I wouldn't be sitting by myself, of course. My trustfunder would be by my side. Someone has to pay for my cafe au lait.
"A lot to ask," you may comment, snorting at my audacity. However, my credentials are more than adequate for the position. I smile often and speak seldom. I have shiny hair and a clear complexion. I look good in enormous sunglasses and odd fashion trends. Furthermore, I understand enough about computers to conceal and password protect any incriminating photographs or videos.
And finally, I am better looking than Paris Hilton.
What more do you need?
Total Number of Replies: 20
Number of Serious Replies: 16
Cream of the Crop:
"May I have the honor of a dance in this cybermasquerade ball?"
"you need to get real"
"How are you? I'm not exactly a trust fund kid."
Then why are you responding?
"ain't that some shit. as you say you're one of those hotty hot hot princesses...i see that your calculation (MC^2= Paris Hilton) is dangerous but fucking brilliant. so i toast, cheers to you mate. what other interests do you have besides looking conspicuous? "
"We should talk about this, are you really seriousabout marrying a trust-fund baby?"
"Just this once I'll whisk you away from your tragically boring existence, marry you, and divorce you in quick succession. Then leave me alone forever, for I won't want to be bothered."
The perfect match(es):
"I've always been looking for my equal, a female with whom I could laugh at the peasants while they refresh my morning highball glass. Perhaps we could discuss the importance of saving the environment while jetting around the world on my fuel-gobbling learjet?
The real question is whether you know how to properly discipline the hired help. There is nothing worse than a maid who cannot properly prepare a bed. I sure hope you have the cutting and terse vocalizations needed to whip such a young illegal immigrant girl into shape?"
"Dear future arm-candy,
I am a wealthy, self-centered, young socialite. I own my family’s business and delegate my duties to corporate managers. This allows me lots of time to drive in my many cars, drink my many wines, and fly my private helicopter from my penthouse apartment in NYC to my beach houses in the Hamptons and Martha’s Vineyard. I maintain an account at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, and have a permanently reserved table at Daniel. Of course, it goes without saying that I love clubbing. And I can’t afford to be seen, in my circles, with anyone less than stunningly attractive. I expect you to be at least as attractive as you claim to be, if not more so. Naturally, I turn to Craigslist to find the cream of the city’s female crop.
I was impressed with what you wrote. You seem to know about shopping and style and you claim to know sexiness as a second language. I’m glad you insist on maintaining your beauty as a career. This will keep me from having to remind you to get facials or waxes. Tell me, what is your position on high heeled shoes (for me, wearing would be a necessity for you) and thong panties (if they must be worn, they must be thong). Additionally, what are your sexual interests? The woman I select for the prestigious postion of “girl-standing-next-to-me” will have to be very… open minded. I attend plenty of underground clubs, and don’t want to have to put up with prudish behaviour.
Please send several photos of yourself from several different angles in various stages of dress. Nudes, gowns, bikinis, suits, jeans. And some recent medical history. I want to know what I’m getting into, no pun intended. Photos of me, of course, are irrelevant.
Time is short. I leave for Tahiti soon."
The very, very best response I have ever received:
"Dearest Lady !
I admire Paris Hilton so much because she is very beautiful and special sexy !
If you are only half so beautiful I like to spend much money on you.
Please send with your answer 4 or 5 photos (not only 1)
big embrase !"
posted by Laura at 9:03 PM
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